The deepest in me

It's been quite some time I've updated here... D girlfriend's making noise bout it already cause I didn't update anything here.. Can't help it cause I don't have a pc at home...

It's been a week now... i don't know whether to say I'm still attached or just single but unavailable? I'll still liked to say I'm attached though... Although.. We're sorta according to her, officially over.. Maybe I just don't know when to call it quits she might think... Cause seriously i don't wanna quit... More like I'm not quitting.. Who knows what might happen in future as my friend says it... Still I think that why give up so fast when your not really sure that in a relationship it'll hurt more? Why should we think the negative way instead of trying to make things work? That's just my opinion anyway...

I know she tried... really tried to make things work out between us... But I am trying too... Maybe we just didn't try hard enough? Just maybe... Or maybe it's just me that's not doing anything bout it... Seriously... I don't know.. Someone told me once... never try, never know... For what will happen exactly.. you can't be too sure that it'll be hurtful but yet you can't be sure of happy endings as well... But just give it a shot.. Who knows things might work out?

2 and a half months... Solid... Never really argued nor quarrel... Both always give in to each other... I just don't understand how could all this happen anyway... I'm totally clueless... "I'm tired of you... I'm not born perfect..."

That's what she said... I just wonder how you could get tired of someone you love? Someone that you'd share your life with... Plus.. Nobody's born perfect... Not even me... Not even the king in a country... Everyone has their weaknesses... For me, to love someone, is to accept everything bout the person you love, their advantages and even their weaknesses... i never actually complain bout the weaknesses, rather I actually try to comfort saying that "you could do better", "don't give up", "try harder" and stuff like that...

*sighs*
All I can actually do now is hold on to my faith... Hold back my tears and keep my sanity in check... And just there for her whenever she needs me or a shoulder to lean on... I'll have my "wings" around her... Well... In short, I'll be there... No matter what... Whether like how we used to be or the other way round... I really hate to think of the other though... Heh... Can't help it.. I'm just not the type to give up... Everyone that knows me well enough knows that I'm really stubborn when it comes to things like this... Some would say even if a metal bar try to whack through my stubbornness, the metal bar would bent... Haha...

I wanted to settle everything clearly with her mom... 3 of us, me, her and her mom sit down and just talk bout it and hopefully get her approval over it... Cause one, i don't want her mom to worry.. Two, i don't want her to lie to her mom anymore just to see me or hang out with me... Three, I don't want her to worry anymore...

I used to feel warmness whenever she texted me... But now I just feel coldness.. Cause I'm afraid of what she might say next... As now, my mind's a total mess... Can't keep my focus on things... Whether it's work or even doing anything... Although while working I had to and I tried to... Still at night... When I'm not doing anything... It'll all start messing up again... *sigh*

Baby this is to you...
I'm sorry bout all the things I've done, I'm sorry that I'm not what u always wanted me to be... But still I want you to know, I've always tried my best... I'm sorry for sometimes making you upset and disappointed with me... Seriously I've tried... and I'm still trying... I wish you could see what's inside of me now... I wish I could see what's inside of you too... Why that all this happen so suddenly? You said you tried to tell me before but why can't we just discuss it over rather than taking drastic measures like now? You say you don't wanna hurt me more, getting back to me is cause of sympathy... You don't want to make things worst between us... I understand all that but... Why do we have to go our separate ways? There's alot of things I wanted to tell you, wanted to prove to you... That I can be better... Stop doing whatever you want me to stop... But... *sigh*
I wish I could just hug you tight right now and just tell you all of this... Of what's kept inside of me... That you haven't know... I'm still not used to not texting you, not calling you at night, not wishing good morning or good night to you, not being there for you, not seeing you...
There's so many things I wanted to let you know of how much I love you...
You may think that me doing this is trying to beg of you to change your mind and come back to me... But please... Don't hate me for this... I just wanna let you know what's kept in my mind... During this period... When you decided to go separate ways...
Baby... There's too many things I wanted to say but I just don't know how to put it in words... I wish I could show you... Let you see it with your own eyes...
I wish we can just take a break from this rather than we go our own ways... I don't know the one week period you give me and yourself to consider... That you'd consider bout this... Think of a better way to solve this than trying to make me hate you... Cause I can't... I'm not made to hate people... Nor do you...
Baby, I... Love... You...
Always have, always will...

Aite, people... I don't think I have anything else to say anymore...
Ciauz...

Entry no.014 by Gaijin Sichirou a.k.a Aaron Tay

Made up my mind

Ok... Been quite some time I've been updating here... Ok... So 2morrow going for Jon's b'day party, gonna move on d 7th of Feb to my new house near Puchong and so yea... Gonna be hell as busy... It's been 2 weeks now since I started dating her... So yeah... Made up my mind... I'm gonna try my best to stick to it... For as long as we could... Since we're sick of getting all over again in starting a relationship...

Chinese new year... Hmm... It falls on Valentine's Day as well... Crap... So it meant dat both of us will have no choice but to spend time on valentine's at home... Well... Maybe we'll have a late valentine dis year.... (I'm still thinking baby on how to spend it...) well... dis sort of concludes my blog for now... Brain Jam.. haha...

entry no.013 by Gaijin Sichirou a.k.a Aaron Tay

The one

Aite... Here I am again... Since a few days already didn't post anything n it makes my blog looks empty.. Well.. It's quite empty anyway...

Ok... What should I write?? Hmm... Let's see... Been out quite a lot lately... Going to subang most of the time... Yet somehow it's worth it... But I just don't like the time to take me to be there... Ok ok... There's someone I'm seeing now... (BUT I'M NOT REVEALING ANYTHING!! Yet...) For those who knows.. Well... just keep quiet for now la... Ok?? Don't want things to get messy...

Jamus came up KL a few days ago... I followed him back... hehe... Free ride!!! hehe... Had my 1st date on the next day itself... Oh ya, Jamus cooked again in his hotel room... Well.. He does that alot actually.. Had chicken chop... it was quite nice actually... Too bad don't have any candles... Haha.... Well.. The pictures in my FB will tell more... I'm too lazy to actually post it up here... Sorry...

Sometimes... When time passes by so slowly... Like now... People tend to miss someone that they loved... For now... I can't really say that I'm in love to the point of planning to get married but no doubt I do love her... For who she is... (Baby... I love you..) Sometimes i can't tell you how much I wanted to see her... Although we seen each other just yesterday but it feels like it's been a long time I've haven't seen her... maybe when someone just got into a relationship time seems to slow when you can't see her...

Ugh... I'm actually quite sleepy now... So my mind is not functioning quite well... Aite... that's it for now... Nitey nite...

Entry no. 012 by Gaijin Sichirou a.k.a Aaron Tay

What if?

Alright.. Where do I start?? Hmm.. Since I'm quite bored actually... So... What kind of life will it be if you don't have someone whom you love him/her for who they are and in turns loves you for who you are? No matter it's your family members, or your partner in life or even a friend whom you can trust... So how will it be?

I just thought it up... Cause I'm TOO BORED HERE!!! Lol.. And I've been wondering... Well... Just what if... You have to live a life like that? how would it be? How would you cope? Will go nuts even thinking bout it?

*takes a deep breath and sighs* Well... Not everyone is as lucky as most of us now... Even though, I'm lucky to know all of the people that loves me now... Including my family and friends but too bad I don't have a partner in life... Yet... Haha... But maybe someday things will turn out the other way round...

Great what am I babbling here... I'm supposed to sleep... *yawns* Good night...

Entry no.011 by Gaijin Sichirou a.k.a Aaron Tay

Out of my mind...

Well... Let's see... After much complaints dat I didn't update my blog... So here I am... Well.. Thx to me workin part time d last time... I was unable to update anything here since I was too busy n my compiter ca't be on anmore... So i couldn't actually update anything here... Haha..

So... I hope everybody's doing fine in dis holiday season cuz honestly Ive been having a blast of time wif my brothers back here in Melaka... Camp n stuff... And actually I juz came back from 2 nites in a row of clubbing... Haha... (Sorry mom but I'm almost 21... XP) Counts of drinks?? 6 of us drinking 1 n a quarter of bombay sapphre n 4 pax of flaming lambroghini... Well.. 1 lambro actually n 3 911s... lol... Dat WAS crazy...

Well... Sry i dun hv any pics cuz I didn't bring my camera wif me.... So... Oh ya... Bout d camp.. Check out my facebook... Cuz seriously... I can't use words to describe it...

Ciauz guys... Merry Christmas n Happy New Year!!! All d best...

Entry no.010 by Gaijin Sichirou a.k.a Aaron Tay

What's the word 'losing' meant to you?

Some people said that you can live a life long enough to see through all the years you've been through. But sometimes what I see or hear is different. Some people do not have the leisure of living a long life to see through and even experience even growing to be an adult for once. Fortunately for my grandmother. She have lived a long life to see pass her years and the children and the grandchild that she have.

So, what does the word 'losing' meant to you deep down inside our heart? Is it materialistic or is it un-materialistic. Something like the one you loved? The one that has always been there for you every time you needed some one there to be with you? Or is it losing someone who have always and will always be with you but your just too blind with all your own desires that you don't even realize it was there all the time. You just need to look at the right place. At the right time. Or do you even need someone to tell you :"Hey, look... Don't be sad, there is someone there for you and it's *somebody* that you never knew it would be..."

So... What's the word 'losing' meant to you?

Entry no.009 by Aaron a.k.a Gaijin Sichirou

Hmm... What title should I put anyway?

Ok mateys~ Been quite some time huh? Well, I've just started working and my computer is down... So I was busy and I was unable to online at home anyway... So I can't update my blog for like a few weeks... Haha...

Ok... As I was saying, I was working... So, haha... I'm too busy to update... Haha... Ok... Holiday just passed and only 2 weeks... Nothing much happened, just spend the whole time working... As I need money to spend and I need to pay for my fees... Thanks to a certain somebody...

Well.. Merdeka just passed by in a flash... During my uncle's birthday well... We ate.. As usual family dinner... What I didn't know was the prawn and the cake made me puked... A LARGE portion of it went into the toilet bowl anyway... Haha.... Ok.. I know it's gross... Ok.. Stop here...

Hmm... Class started well... I'm only having 2 classes anyway this semester.. So no big deal then... Anyway... I'm supposed to be asleep now... Can't sleep... haha.... See ya next post....

Entry no.008 by Aaron a.k.a Gaijin Sichirou